There are seasons. Seasons of hope, seasons of despair. Seasons of growth, seasons of decline. Seasons of youth, seasons of decay. Seasons of today, seasons of yesterday or tomorrow. Seasons of joy, seasons of sadness. Seasons of progress, seasons of stagnation. Seasons of life and seasons of death. There are seasons.
Expectation is the prelude to disaster. In order to enjoy life to its fullest, plan to not plan. Take every day, every moment as a precious gift. Savor the time spent with yourself and others. Too often, intrusive thoughts mar whatever joy and happiness one could have. Too often, racing thoughts swarm around in the mind leaving the observer with nothing more than anxiety and worry. Just a thought.
She was awake. Left in the aftermath of last night, she tossed and turned, examining her yesterdays and her friends. Who could have known that behind her velvet mask of charm, lay hidden myriads of problems, but no solutions. She laid motionless, barely daring to breathe for she could not possibly defeat all these thoughts at once. But then, a glimmer of hope. A peaceful rest came upon her as she was overcome by the peace of Christ in her heart. This has not been the first time. She treasured the pause in her frantic mind. Yes, she had been here before. Over the years, tragedy after tragedy had ripped her apart. Despite all this, she managed to move forward, with the help of Christ, to climb the hill of uncertainty once more. Determined was her shield of armor. Valiantly to all, yet humbly to her inner bastions, she set to conquer the day. But why? Why had it been so hard for her to imagine victory even after all the hell she was put through? She had a resilience of recovery about her. Yet, secretly she was afraid. She did not let on her fears to anyone. She was stalwart yet humble. She would not allow the drudgery of the day to impede what she needed to do to get by. She was her own heroine. She wouldn’t let anyone confuse her kindness with weakness. But what now?
Many days passed with the promise of conquering her fears about her circumstances. She was not alone. Many had tried to get into her inner circle, but to no avail. She didn’t let many in. Did she fear to be exposed? Certainly not! Whatever demons she had inside were hers to deal with. She did not ask for pity. In fact, she loathed it. She despised weakness, yet there was only one who could see her in that light. For that, she was eternally grateful that she had found the one who would console her once the doors were closed in the safety of her sanctuary. But, back to her. How to describe that which is ineffable? Words, words, words. She hated the pomposity of the quasi-cultured elite who batted words around like flies on shit. She was simple, not simple minded. She had a degree in street smart and aptly able to call out a fake in two seconds. At times, she seemed abrasive, perhaps even a bully, but no. she didn’t have that skill set. She was a woman’s woman and was not about to let anyone talk trash or pull the wool over her eyes. Yes, she was woman. Let her roar!
Tomorrow was the promise of another day, yet she clung to her past. There had been many rough spots. She remembered them all with categorical precision. One wouldn’t dare to come at her for a fight. It was that mind of hers that leaped to the forefront to dissect arguments, placing the offender in a pool of why’s. Yes, she was civil but not to be crossed, under the penalty of the third-degree assault on the opposing party. For her, it was not simply about respect, but above all, fairness. After all, what else was there? Or perhaps, honesty? Yes, that’s right. She demanded not to be treated as an idiot. The thought of lies made her want to vomit and she had had enough of those. After all, Scripture was replete with many who had lied and faced the consequences of their actions against a holy God. She simply would not be a part of it.
Well, time to get out of bed. She had a million things to do or so she thought. The morning was always difficult for her as she planned the morning’s attack on her world. Methodically, she put everything in its place and carried out the every day rituals with razor-sharped precision. Today, was different however as she reflected on her own mortality. She was almost 50 now and contemplated what the future would hold for her. One gets to a certain age and pauses to reflect on the what ifs. Strange. She had thought of everyone else first. Their worries were hers. But today, she was shown something new. There are seasons. She remembered her youth. As a child, she could feel the warmth of being carefree. Life had not been simple by any means, but it was hers to conquer. As she had grown, it had gotten much harder. The climb to the top was vanishing. She felt like a salmon. Roadblock after roadblock, she jumped over each hurdle to get to some sense of accomplishment. All along, the path she took was twisted with many turns, but it was her path. She had no one to blame but herself. Bullshit! She had many to blame. Her life had been hard, yet she made it hers and made no excuses. She forged ahead. If they were to get in her way, step aside because she was going to succeed at any cost. After all, she just had one life to pull it together. She was going to make the best of it even though many had dragged her down in the process. She would eventually claim victory. Yes, there are seasons.
Reflections. As she sat drinking her coffee and reading her daily Scripture, she imagined what it would be like to be in the presence of Christ. She had adoration for her Lord and Savior. Her relationship with Him was intimate and personal. She made no excuses for how she felt about Jesus. She was a Jesus freak. What’s a Jesus freak? Someone who loves Jesus more than anyone else. She had been through the seasons of spring (growth) and summer (maturity). She was presently in autumn (reflection) and contemplated on winter (transition). What was there, beyond her flesh and bones, she pondered. What frontier lay ahead? She had read Scripture, yet found more questions than answers. She was not alone. Many who had come before doubted. It was the human condition. Why would she be any different? She wasn’t. At her age, one begins to see the light and the end of the tunnel. She caught a glimpse of it today and it caught her attention. No, this is not all there is. She had Christ in her heart. But she was curious. How does it all fit together? Why death? Why life? Why, why, why? Certainly, there must be a reason for all of this. These were questions that had been plaguing humanity since its dawn. She was not insecure in her faith. Jesus was too real for her. It just was the season. Winter is coming. In some sense there is a dread of winter. In another, marvel and beauty. Like seasons, God has made it clear: choice. As C. S. Lewis had said: “There are two kinds of people in the world. Those that say to God: ‘Thy will be done,’ and those that God says to them: ‘Thy will be done.’” She contemplated choice. She could not return to her mother’s womb. There was only one direction for every human: death. Was death to be feared or was it to be embraced? Yes, today was different, only because it was her birthday. She had awoken. She had gone through all the racing thoughts. She had gone through her rituals. She had loved. Her life was sublime, now. But, had she reached the crossroad. Winter was not upon her but she contemplated it so fiercely as if it engulfed her. But why? She wasn’t ready yet. It wasn’t her time. She was still young, or so she thought. Then she remembered. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. People die all the time, and at all ages. There is no escape. Wait! It’s not about escape. One can’t escape death. There must be another way. Rest. Her rest was found in Christ. He had been all of her answers. He had been there when no one else was there to save her from despair. Jesus was her greatest birthday present. Today, she reflected on all her birthdays. Some good and some bad. Today, it was different. Winter’s coming. Today, she realized that she didn’t have to face winter alone. Today, she felt the hand of Jesus giving her hope where the future with Him would be greater than all her seasons before. His yoke was easy. All she had to do is to take His hand. Yes, winter’s coming for all. But she didn’t have to face it alone.
For Sonja.